brainfog2012 / i accidentally
Which i’m thinking of making worse but enjoying the shit out of. Witch house and four hours of
Syrupy, a word that is exactly what it sounds like: dripping and sliding somewhat viscous and yet absolutely liquid. I’m not serious. I’m not sure whether or not I’m going to do it. I would rather not spend the next day completely fried again, because I feel fried anyway even though I am not doing anything and don’t do things normally and I don’t even normally drink.
It’s very disappointing.
So there’s this dude who came to this poetry reading I curated and read a thing, and he’s apparently really into stuff I write which is cool but then he’s going to send my chapbook to somebody at a poetry thing in NYC which is really strange and kind of intimidating and confusing but exciting at the same time? Also he got me a copy of Mercury by Ariana Reines which is cool.
The Law of the Father is cruel and I like to escape the signifier as much as I can so the name on the chapbook is a pseudonym, which is also the name I use all the time everywhere. When does a “pseudonym” stop being false?
- I’ve been feeling bored and unenthusiastic, so I’ve been retreating to corners with my notebook and writing. Or,
- I’ve been trying to write but frustrated when I can only write half a page before I give up. Or,
- I’ve been succeeding at writing accidentally since somehow I’ve written like 4 or 5 poems in the last week but I feel terrible and doubt myself a lot and still feel like it’s more forced than I would like it to be. I’m hoping that by forcing myself I can get back into the swing of writing again soon.
Hung out with a girl this evening, made and devoured really delicious pasta, talked about suicide and families and queer and music and poetry and I feel somewhat confused
I seem to always feel confused this last week or two so that’s not really newsworthy, but I feel pretty happy about hanging out with her. She’s pretty cool and she lives like two blocks away. I hope that we become really good friends.
The guy at the corner store gave me a bag of tobacco for half price. There are sometimes that being a girl gets you things, and I like those times a lot.